I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
