i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
