yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
