nut hugger
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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