ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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