morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
