just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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