the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
