Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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