if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize