Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
