were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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