I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
