I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I looked at my own cervix.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
