If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
