it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
