I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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