Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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