thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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