Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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