Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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