Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
