I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
