what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
