i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
