I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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