i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
