would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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