I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
