Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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