Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
