Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize