I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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