I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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