She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
