I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
