once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
