If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
