I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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