Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
