I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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