People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
