And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
