found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
