We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
