don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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