Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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