I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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