I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
