i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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