Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
