oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
