Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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