And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
