Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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