This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize