Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
