My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
