Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize