Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
