just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize