Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize