i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
