that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
