wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
