just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
