I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
