Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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