he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
