Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
