Farmville is her only friend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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