Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
