Ambien. No doubt about it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
