saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize