go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no, he came in my armpit
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
